Friday, October 22, 2010


It had been some time ago that I last felt like I was in control of things. It's an illusion, the feeling of control.. or at least it can be. I'm one of the people in this World that tends to see things as relative to their respective situations, and choose to hopefully not get swept up in fleeting moments. The thing is, when you are in a frame of mind for so long, or on a thought that started as a fleeting moment.. you begin to believe that you are that particular guy.. or that girl as the case may be. For me, that was being a loner. I connected with the solitude of what it was to see the World from a solo style of view. Not that I felt as though I was some sort of elitist and was above others.. quite the contrary I often felt like I had much work to do personally to fit in.. wherever "in" was. So i stuck to myself and made myself believe that it was for the best. No one to depend on, and no one to have to depend on me. It was all part of that "i'm invincible" stage of life that many go through.

Until I found another that I felt like I connected with so completely, I then gave in to the feeling of not being a loner anymore. It took some time, but I saw what it was to have the affection, and love, and energy of another in my World that wanted similar things that I did. Like, happiness.. laughter, good people, fun, travel, heartiness and adventure. Someone that wanted to learn about the World as I did through experience and first hand knowledge. It all became so clear that I was not meant to be alone, just needed to figure out who I was first before I became involved in the affairs of being in a relationship of any sort with anyone else.

It strengthened me to the point, that when that phase of my life came to a change..and we were not solely together anymore.. I felt better for having known that love and energy, and laughter and life. I became the man, the guy, the person I never thought I was.. but know myself to actually be.

Nowadays I focus on my Family, like my Mother and Siblings. I have no spouse or children of my own, but I have some very important and special people in my life that I want to help take care of. I am able to do that, because I have reconnected with the man that I never really knew before. He was always there, it was just a matter of being coached into man-hood. Having never had a strong relationship with my own Father, it took a bit longer.. but I finally feel like I started to "grow up" a few years ago. In that I mean I began to take responsibility for myself and my actions, and the "invincible" me that once existed now knows that it is all about the balance of things and that I need to be aware of my actions, because there is always a definite re-action.

I have re-connected with who I am, and now back onto what I want to be. It's all in the works, but the most satisfying part is that I know t hat now, and I can rely on myself to pull it off.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I have been on this journey to change who I am from the inside out, and from the outside.. up.. for some years n ow. At this age I finally feel like I know who I am physically, learning who I am emotionally, and I am much more suited to deal with it all. on the cusp of my Durty Thirties.. i decided that I was just not in the place I wanted to be physically, monetarily, artistically and otherwise. It was my time to begin the Renaissance that I needed to become so badly part of. A Renaissance of Me that would lead me to find the love of my life, and remember who it was that I wanted to be.

I continue today, after having that love in my World for 4 awesome years, as a single man. The relationship showed me how to be a real Man and become the Man that was needed in my own space. I am stronger for having been in that great space of love for so long, and even after the shift in the relationship, I have gained the best friend I ever could have asked for. Moving forward I am now back to deciding what it is I want to ask the Universe for. I have diligently been working on the physical, and emotional, and the monetary aspects of being Me. While I have much work to do in all departments, I am happy to say that I am Happy.

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Redirect

I am the kinda guy that refers to himself as a kid. At 30-something years old, I am only just starting to grow up.. only having admitted to that particular fact recently. I live in Las Vegas, and originally grew up in the San Diego California area. My life is my life and I write about it to keep myself thinking a bot more clearly.

I definitely don't know it all, but I like to pretend I do, and I end up learning something along the way. It's about a way of life that is comfortable. For me the 24-hour a day kind of vibe that Vegas allows has let me be that guy for over a decade. Call it selfishness, doing what I want when I want.. but I am happiest when left to myself and my thoughts on how I think life should be. Applying how life really occurs, is where the challenges come from, and where all the good memories are made.

I write, I take photos, I do what I can to allow myself to feel like I am a part of an evolving culture. I read and listen.. to music, people, and especially air around me, (it can tell you everything from the weather to the time of day..) I do what I can when it comes to being Me and sharing whenever possible.

I have some great friends and a big family, and often I still feel like being alone is the place where I am most comfortable. It's not sad.. it's happiness at it's core.. being content with oneself. These days are new to me in that respect.. andIi say "Finally!" I share what I know in an effort to learn more, I learn what I can from hearing the feedback and stories that go along with life. I write it all down to remind myself, I am just like everyone else.

I am here for me, you and all of us! Hope to see you.